English Writing Practice

[EWP] 정규회화과정 Level 7-8 : Unit 22. She Is an Active Person. STEP 4. 1:1 글쓰기

anothel 2021. 7. 23.

Today’s Topic

Write about three things you could do to become a more active person. Give details to explain your answer well.

 

Writing / 정필규 2021. 07. 21


The first one of things I could do to be more active is working out. While I have been working out at gym early in the morning everyday, I have been able to be a very active person. Before going to the company, I have exercised. As a result, some changing is appeared at me. One is what I have gotten healthy in both of physical and psychological. Others are lots of. However, I am not very passive person if I was quitting workout. So, I think I need to exercise for the rest of whole my life if I want to be left as active person.
The second one is reading lots of books. I have been always curious about other's thought. So I read a book because writer wrote their thought in the books. It makes me know other's thought without meeting them face to face. I could make confidence from reading a book which includes many deep thought.
The third one is working very hard. When I finish my work at last, I can become to be more active. Because I finish, no one can say to me about anything and I can say anything about everything.

 

Revised Writing


The first(X) one (One) of (the) things I could do to be more active is working out. While I have been(X) working out at (a) gym early in the morning everyday (every day), I have been able to be (I have become) a very active person. Before going to the company, I have exercised. (I often exercise before going to my company.) As a result, some changing is appeared at me (I see some changes in me). One is what I have gotten healthy in both of physical and psychological. Others are lots of. (OR: Among the many changes, one important improvement is that I've become healthy both physically and mentally.) However, I am not very passive person if I was quitting workout (if I quit working out, I will become more passive). So, (So) I think I need to exercise for the rest of whole(X) my life if I want to be left as active person (I want to stay an active person).

The second one is reading lots of books. I have been always (I have always been) curious about other's thought(s). So I read a book because writer wrote their thought in the books (BETTER: because writers share their thoughts in writing). It makes me know (understand) other's thought without meeting (ideas without having to meet) them face to face. I could make confidence from reading a book which includes many deep thought. (OR: I can gain confidence from reading a book that includes many important teachings.)

The third one is working very hard. When I finish my work at last(X), I can become to be(X) more active. Because I finish, no one can say to me about anything and I can say anything about everything. (OR: Because when I finish something, no one can say anything about me, and I can say anything about everything.)


Thank you for completing this writing task! Your effort to properly say your thoughts in English is appreciated. It seems that you still have a bit of difficulty in conveying your thoughts in a clearer and more coherent way. Don't be discouraged, though. As long as the person you're talking to or reading your written work understands what you say or write, it shows that there is progress in your learning. Keep it up and keep practicing for continuous improvement. :)

 

Re-Writing / 정필규


One of the things I could do to be more active is working out. While working out at a gym early in the morning every day, I have become a very active person. I often exercise before going to my company. As a result, I see some changes in me. Among the many changes, one important improvement is that I've become healthy both physically and mentally. However, if I quit working out, I will become more passive. So I think I need to exercise for the rest of my life if I want to stay an active person.
The second one is reading lots of books. I have always been curious about other's thoughts. So I read a book because writers share their thoughts in writing. It makes me understand other's ideas without having to meet them face to face. I can gain confidence from reading a book that includes many important teachings.
The third one if working very hard. When I finish my work, I can become more active. Because when I finish something, no one can say anything about me, and I can say anything about everything.

 

문법 & 문장 교정


  • Jane is always eating much so person A eat a lot.
    • BETTER Jane is always eating much but person A eats a lot.
  • Maybe person A is heavy.
    • BETTER Maybe person A looks heavy.
  • She is move a lot.
    • BETTER She moves a lot.
  • She feel tired today, doesn't she?
    • BETTER She feels tired today, doesn't she?

 

마무리


여자 친구가 나는 말을 논리적으로 못 한다고 한다. 말을 하지만 쓸데없는 내용을 너무 많이 말한다고 한다. 그 이유로는 어렸을 적 글을 많이 안 써봐서 그렇다고 한다. 그래서 지금이라도 열심히 글을 써보는 건데, 쓰면 쓸수록 선생님을 괴롭히는 것 같은 느낌이 들기도 한다. 그래도 열심히 써봐야지.. 부족한 글 읽어주셔서 수정해주셔서 늘 감사합니다 선생님!

 

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