English Writing Practice

[EWP] 정규회화과정 Level 7-8 : Unit 23. What a Feeling! STEP 4. 1:1 글쓰기

anothel 2021. 7. 23.

Today’s Topic

Have you ever hiked a mountain? If so, what is the tallest or most difficult mountain you have ever climbed? If not, explain the reasons why you have never climbed a mountain.

 

Writing / 정필규 2021. 07. 21


(I have a question. Halla is name of the mountain and sna is meaning that a Mountain. Which word is better Halla Mountain and Hallasan Mountain at this time)
When I was in childhood, I have been to the Hallasan with my family at winter. As you know, the winter climbing is a little bit dangers. Because when I have climbed the mountain, there were lots of snow. It made me slide even if I wore climbing irons. It was tallest and most difficult mountain. I could stand all of the pain because I was not alone, with my family. Also, I have been to Hallasan when I was in high school.
I have been to Hallasan eight times including childhood. I have been to Hallasan annually since 2015. The Hallasan Mountain which is my best favorite place. It has never refused what I visit there without one time. One day, because of too much snow, I cannot go to highest place of mountain. In place of going to there, I have visited other place by car and short work. Still there was too dangers, but the driver guided to there. And I could have other experience. That view was nice.

 

Revised Writing


(I have a question. Halla is (the) name of the mountain and sna is meaning that a(san means) mountain. Which word is better Halla Mountain and(or) Hallasan Mountain at this time.(Hallassan or Halla mountain))

When I was(X) In (my) childhood, I have been(was able yo go to) to the(X) Hallasan with my family at(in) winter. As you know, the winter(X) climbing (in winter) is a little bit dangers(dangerous). Because(Actually,) when I have(X) climbed the(that) mountain, there were lots of(was much) snow. It made me slide even if I wore climbing irons(shoes). It was (the) tallest and (the) most difficult mountain(one I could ever climb). I could stand all of(X) the pain because I was not alone, (I was) with my family.

Also(Anyway), I have been to(also went there) Hallasan(X) when I was in high school. I have been to Hallasan eight times including (the one I had in my) childhood. I have been to Hallasan(going there ) annually since 2015. The Hallasan Mountain which(Actually, it) is my best favorite place. It has never refused what I visit there without one time(I have never refused someone inviting me to go there, even once). One day, because of too much snow, I cannot(was not able to reach) go to(the) highest place(part) of mountain(it).

In place of going to there(Besides that place), I have visited other place(places) by car and short work(walk). Still there was too dangers, but the driver guided to there(Thought the path going to the top of Hallasan, there was someone who guided me in going there). And I could have other experience. That view was nice(I was able to see the view form the top and it was spectacular).


Your effort to properly demonstrate your ideas in English is much appreciated. You may have a bit of difficulty in conveying your thoughts in a clearer and more coherent way, but this will not hamper you to create better sentences. As long as you do not hesitate to say what's on your mind, and you keep the suggestions we have for you, you will be able to make it! Stay persistent and you will see the fruit of your hard work soon. :)

 

Re-Writing / 정필규


(I have a question. Halla is the name of the mountain and san means mountain. Which word is better Halla Mountain or Hallasan Mountain at this time. (Hallasan or Halla mountain))
In my childhood, I was able to go to Hallasan with family in winter. As you know, climbing in winter is a little bit dangerous. Actually, when I climbed that mountain, there was much snow. It made me slide even if I wore climbing shoes. It was the tallest and the most difficult one I could ever climb. I could stand all the pain because I was not alone, I was with my family.
Anyway, I also went there when I was in high school. I have been to Hallasan going there annually since 2015. Actually, it is my best favorite place. I have never refused someone inviting me to go there, even once. One day, because of too much snow, I was not able to reach the highest part of it.
Besides that place, I have visited other places by car and short walk. Thought the path going to the top of Hallasan, there was someone who guided me in going there. I was able to see the view from the top and it was spectacular.

 

문법 & 문장 교정


  • Do you think this situation is rumor.
    • BETTER Do you think this situation is a rumor.
  • I'm really like climbing.
    • BETTER I really like climbing.
  • For relaxation.
    • BETTER For tranquility. (SIMILAR)

 

마무리


산은 언제는 나를 거부하지 않고 언제든 받아준다. 이걸 표현하고 싶었던 것인데, 선생님께서 다른 방향으로 가이드를 해주셨다.. 앞으로는 좀 더 신경 써서 글 작성을 해야겠군..

 

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